Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work

Over five transformative days in Big Sur, you'll learn to map the hidden patterns that keep you fragmented—and discover how to access the calm, witnessing presence within that can heal them. Transforming the Shame Triangle is an immersive healing workshop led by facilitators Jessica Fern and David Cooley, designed for anyone ready to move from internal conflict toward genuine wholeness. Using the powerful lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Parts Work, you'll investigate what the facilitators call the Shame Triangle: a closed loop of three conflicted inner voices—the Inner Critic that attacks, the Shame Part that absorbs the blow, and the Inner Escaper that seeks relief through overachievement, dissociation, substance use, or outward aggression. These parts, working in concert, keep us fragmented and disconnected from our authentic self.

This is not intellectual theory alone. At Esalen Institute's remarkable setting overlooking the Pacific, you'll engage in guided somatic work, narrative inquiry, group process, and IFS sculpting to directly experience and transform these patterns. The workshop teaches you to access Self—that calm, curious, witnessing presence—which can recognize and gradually reshape rigid inner dynamics into what Fern and Cooley call the Inner Love Triangle. Here, the Critic becomes a Coach, Shame opens into lived experience, and the Escaper evolves into an Inner Nurturer. You'll leave with embodied tools, deeper self-compassion, and a clear map for continuing this work long after the retreat ends.

What to Expect

Expect a carefully held container that balances individual healing with group wisdom. Each day weaves together somatic practices that help you feel what's happening in your body, narrative work that illuminates how your Shame Triangle formed, and group processes that normalize your experience and deepen insight. Through IFS sculpting—a kinesthetic, relational practice—you'll literally embody and dialogue with your inner parts, witnessing their protective roles and gradually opening pathways toward integration. Facilitators Jessica Fern and David Cooley bring decades of combined experience in trauma-informed practice, IFS, and somatic psychology. You'll move from fragmentation toward Self-leadership, from inner conflict toward genuine self-love, and from reactive patterns toward conscious choice.

Venue & Logistics

This five-day workshop takes place at Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California—a legendary retreat center perched above the coast, known for fostering deep transformation. The event runs Monday, October 12–16, 2026. Wear comfortable clothing suitable for somatic movement and sitting meditation. Esalen's accommodations, meals, and hot springs are included. Contact the venue directly regarding accessibility needs or any physical considerations.